Tribe
Tribe
In my late teens I was part of a singing group. A lot of that time was a blur. I was living on my own and led quite the reckless lifestyle (more on that later). I quickly learned the types of people I needed to be around. I noticed certain patterns of thought and behaviors that did not reflect the person and artist I wanted to become. I was usually the most driven, the most disciplined, and the most consistent. It’s well-known that the best way to grow in a certain area is to surround yourself with people who are just as, or more skilled in that area. People who want to genuinely see you win. Someone who can see your light even when you do not.
During my music journey, I’ve come across a variety of personalities within the industry. It’s really hard to trust people. It’s SUPER hard to trust an industry person. You have to learn to discern the energy and intentions of the people around you. Diligently surround yourself with people who reflect the qualities of who you would ultimately like to become.
Why do the people you associate with matter? Let’s get into it!
The people we choose to associate with help shape our behaviors and view of the world. Surrounding yourself with people who support, motivate, and empower you is paramount. Even those we consider to be strong people are often influenced by their peer group as well. Humans are naturally social creatures and we can unknowingly take on some of the traits of the people we spend the most time with. So wouldn’t it make sense to surround yourself with people who will give a positive influence? You can be brainwashed into believing that you can do anything, or you can be brainwashed into believing life isn’t fair, and you’ll never get what you desire. The energies we allow around us can play a huge role in our decision making. If you are in tune, you can sense positive and negative energies. We feed off of the energy of the people around us.
Fobes.com shares a great article, “Surrounding Yourself With The Right People Changes Everything”, which gives the following tips:
“Say goodbye to the ‘negative nellies” Because who wants to be around the person who always sees the glass half-empty. The person who lives in the past. The person who is always comparing themselves (and you) to others, in an attempt to gauge talent and success. If they haven’t seen it before, to them, it means it can’t be done. If they or “such and such” couldn’t do it, in their mind, it’s no way you could do it.
“Find people who are smarter than you” This can’t be stressed enough. Find people who are successfully doing what you would like to do, and build a relationship. This person can be a mentor or someone who is well-versed.
“If you can’t play tennis, watch the game.” Basically if you can’t surround yourself with people who have what you want simply because you don’t know them or can’t get access to them, consume their media. You can follow them online via social media, blogs, Youtube, listen to their podcasts, etc.
All great tips!
If you feel you need an extra push in the right direction, it’s a good idea to find a mentor. A mentor is someone who acts as an advisor to a less experienced person. Inded.com shares the benefits of having a mentor:
Mentors support growth
Mentors serve as a source of knowledge
Mentors can help set goals
Mentors maintain accountability
Mentors offer encouragement
Mentors help make connections
Mentors are willing to listen
Mentors serve as a trusted ally
Mentors can offer constructive criticism
Mentors provide guidelines
Mentors have relevant experience
Mentors are a great source
“Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and thinkers, but most all, surround yourself with those who see greatness within you, even when you don’t see it yourself.” - Unknown author
The last portion of that quote is super significant. There will be times when we do not see our own greatness, potentials, and even flaws. When you have a solid and dependable tribe, they can help encourage and get you back on track if ever you stray from your path to your goals. We all go through self-doubt and can be discouraged when we’re not understood, make a poor decision, or our efforts haven’t been received by the world the way we hoped. We need those special people who are not only gifted in those positive areas you aspire, but emotionally intelligent enough to help correct and protect our course. Someone you trust whom you know is being genuine in reminding you of who are to them and to the world. It just hits different when someone you hold in high regard encourages you, because you never have to second guess their sincerity and desire to truly see you at your best.
When you pick friends who make poor choices, some of these tendencies unknowingly start to rub off on you. When you know you won’t be held accountable for your lack of drive, damaging indulgences, and flighty way of being, you’re more likely to make poorer decisions. When you choose people who inspire and challenge you to be better, you'll increase your chances of reaching your goals.
During your journey of becoming, you should regularly audit the relationships you have developed over time, and decide if they still serve you and your development. People are constantly changing; and sometimes those who you used to exchange positive energy with, are no longer in a space that can feed you. (Yes, we should also be serving others, but this article is bout you.) It can be difficult limiting interactions with people you grew up with or have known for a very long time (family included). It can be hard to see stagnate and unhealthy behaviors in people with whom we are close. However, sometimes they themselves are even unaware of how their actions are effecting their own life, let alone yours. Sometimes life gets to a point, maybe by no fault of their own, they can no longer relate to your perspectives based upon your experiences.
When a caterpillar turns into a butterfly, it doesn’t return to hang out with caterpillars. Once they go through metamorphosis and are able to fly, they leave their old life behind. The butterfly has reached a new level in life, and can no longer relate to the caterpillar. For one, the caterpillar now has the capability to fly. To see new things. The caterpillar doesn’t have this luxury and can’t even understand the new perspective of the butterfly. The butterfly has the potential to go so much further and see so many more things because they’ve now stepped into this new life. It would be awkward, returning to the caterpillars to try to share with them what you’ve experienced. It will be difficult for them to even understand what they themselves have never seen. Maybe not even believing there is so much more to their existence.
“A mirror reflects a man's face but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses. The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate for the good and the bad.” - Unknown author
Takeaways
Choose your friend group wisely, as they have a greater influence on your decision-making than you think!
Find people who are smarter than you and build!
If you can’t surround yourself with people who have what you want simply because you don’t know them, or can’t get access to them, consume their media. You can follow them online via social media, blogs, Youtube, listen to their podcasts, etc.
Workshops and conferences may be a great place to meet like-minded people.
Get a mentor.
Be mindful of the things you consume. That goes for food, media, and energy!
Regularly audit your relationships and decide if they still serve you and your personal development as you grow into a healthier version of yourself.
You’ve got this!